if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
