If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
