I just made out with a guy for $7.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
