pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
