I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
