you guys were way drunker than both of me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize