if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
