worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
