1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
