am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
