I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
