That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
