That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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