i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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