Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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