Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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