We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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