I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
where am i from again
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
