I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
