barbara walters just said penis...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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