So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
