last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
