i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
