I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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