it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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