ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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