Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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