You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
