I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
