Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
