After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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