just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
