Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
