there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize