ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
