So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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