My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
