omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
