Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
