you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
