i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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