Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
