I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
