I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
