Someone shit on the floor
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
