im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
