She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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