The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
