If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
