wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
