Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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