go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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