it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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