she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
