I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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