Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
