You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
