im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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