Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
