in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
