I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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