Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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