I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
