what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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