No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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