every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
