In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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