When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
