i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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