I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
