hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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