I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
