I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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