Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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