you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize