just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize