Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize