just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
