the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
