It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize