4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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