WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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